brandslut

Brandslut Has Moved

2010-11-16T15:07:00.001Z

Please visit Brandslut's new burrow by clicking here.

Shhh...

2010-10-21T06:08:00.002+01:00

BRANDSLUT IS DOSSING.

Brandslut, dossing like a lizard.

Brandslut is moving to a new domain which means that www.brandslut.blogspot.com will have a new home from November 5th. Remember, remember, the 5th of November! She's making some tweaks, checking them twice, thinking of posts both naughty and nice. Yes, a new Brandslut is coming to town!

Sweet dreams,

brandslut xoxo

The Greens

2010-10-18T07:19:00.002+01:00

Lying in bed last night perusing the Taste Magazine, chocolate Steri Stumpie in hand, I stumbled upon a little blurb about Woolies opening its first eco-friendly store within the Palmyra Shopping Centre in Claremont, Cape Town. I can't find more detail online, but the article detailed how the retailer has used green building practices, energy recycling techniques, grey-water systems and the use of natural air and light to conserve energy. The new eco-friendly store opens on October 28th. I agree that Woolies has some work to do on improving the carbon footprint of its packaging, but I think this is a pioneering move in terms of retail and I hope Pick n' Pay, SPAR and Checkers follow suit. Now if only I could convince the gyms in South Africa to power their facilities with the energy generated from bicycles and treadmills.

I've got my new eco-friendly reusable ceramic mug from vida e caffe. Do you?

brandslut xoxo

Woolworths Living Wall

2010-10-14T12:34:00.001+01:00

Click here to plant a free virtual seedling in aid of World Food Day on October 16th and uniting against hunger. For every virtual seedling planted, Woolworths will plant a real plant at a school in South Africa with a permaculture food garden. Do it NOW, you've got no excuse!

brandslut xoxo

A Snip Off The Old C*ck

2010-10-14T10:29:00.001+01:00

I'm just going to cut to the chase. Headache. Hangover. Groan. The Social Strategist and Journoslut are to blame. B*tches. Okay so check out this tear-off phone number ad created by a very crafty Turkish circumsiser, courtesy of Adme Ru. I wonder if Ismat saw an uplift in pene from this campaign? I hope so.

Cutting edge advertising.

brandslut xoxo

Lovebirds

2010-10-13T17:37:00.002+01:00

On Monday night I met The Noo for a long-overdue goss' and save-the-world session - my favourite! A bottle of wine down the tapeworm kicked in, prompting a strategic ~~nag~~ phone call to The Investment Banker who volunteered to make us home-made tagliatelle (!) using his brand new pasta machine (the manual kind) from my vice, yuppiechef. If Telkom want to get Heita! right, I suggest they press a call to Paul Galatis on (021) 702 4969. Because THAT. My friend. Is what you call customer service. Anyhoo, the pasta was easy and uitstekend and The Rain Man now knows exactly what to stuff my stocking with this year.

Yuppiechef also happens to be the recipient of the very first Loerie (‘recognising, rewarding and fostering creative excellence’) awarded to an online store, and it's a gold one nogal! I think it's incredibly well-deserved and here's how the lil' nuggets behind the yuppiechef brand did it, article and images courtesy of their in-house online magazine, spatula:

"Our Lovebirds campaign (read the original story here) showed how a simple idea, quickly acted upon can pack an enormous punch thanks to the advent of social media and traditional media channels working hand in hand. One ransom note, a single blog post and a URL registration fee of R70 hi-jacked a social media campaign planned months in advance by two of SA’s leading agencies. In 14 days the ransom generated more than R3,5 million in media coverage while raising more than R100,000 for the charity Soil for Life and the blog post received more visits than the nationally advertised Woolies competition website.

What made it fly? People were captured by the idea of a small, nimble online company taking advantage of a morsel of opportunity, while fleecing Woolies for a good cause as they took their first bungling steps into the world of social media. Cheeky, we know, but we got away with it.

Many manufactured viral campaigns are driven by rewarding people for spreading the word in re-tweet-and-win or share-to-win fashions. It is interesting to note that in this case the motivation for people to spread the word was to help a charity, support the underdogs and play a part in what the Mail & Guardian called a ‘David & Goliath story‘. “The power of a great social idea has been proven through this campaign,” says Dani Vos, from Hello World Agency, “and we look forward to embracing this kind of smart thinking every day with brands like Yuppiechef.”

For some, the big question was whether we saw a spike in sales. The short answer is no, however, the obvious and immediate benefits were great awareness, positive word of mouth and the strong sense of community created among our fans who played an integral role in the campaign.

Being an online store, our world is the internet. We live, breath and communicate with our fans each day through social media. Everyone out there is taking their best guess at what social media means for their business, as are we. Over time we are seeing the growing impact that social media is having on our business, but truth be told, there are no formulas we can follow or ‘experts’ to consult with. It’s a new frontier that we are exploring daily and we’re enjoying the ride.''

Big-up Team Yuppie! Now please make sure I win your Ina Paarman competition ;)

brandslut xoxo

Burritovertising

2010-10-13T06:57:00.001+01:00

I'm busy writing a food trend report (yes, I get paid to research cupcakes and things) and I've just stumbled upon a clever little ambient campaign for McDonald's Canada, courtesy of agency Cossette. I think this is a clever way to turn a seemingly tired medium into a tactical communication device. I just love the thought of men in suits commuting with McDonald's breakfast burritos rolled neatly beneath their armpits.

And in my information search I found Burrito Cat, courtesy of icanhascheezburger, a must see for all you pussy lovers out there.

brandslut xoxo

Because Everyone Loves a Good Sausage

2010-10-12T11:11:00.001+01:00

The Luxury Meerkat is going to die when she sees this – she’s obsessed with sausies and I don’t blame her, they’re flippen nunu! If I had a sausie I’d call her Stretch. I’m not ready for pooches yet so I’ll settle for them in all forms faux, like this awesome sausie chair set. Such an easy and clever upholstery idea, borrowed from this hysterical blog!

Hot! Dogs.

Fail.

brandslut xoxo

Smart Cards

2010-10-12T07:20:00.002+01:00

I see what they did there.

A killer business card gets me all excited and I still feel as though companies haven't grasped the strength of these subtle little marketing tools. My Day Job BC is so siff and corporate that I shudder when I have to hand it over to someone. Shouldn't an employee be proud of the business card they possess? These Bad Boys from Franco Caligiuri Financial & Investment Representative designed by Canadian agency Rethink illustrate how a financial advisor works and they get the point across immediately. Heart!

brandslut xoxo

Pinhole Magic

2010-10-10T13:15:00.005+01:00

Anthony Browell pinhole 'Primitive Beauty'

After a gorgeous gravadlax and cappuccino breakie at Olympia Cafe in Kalk Bay, the Salty C Dog and I ventured upstairs to the Kalk Bay Modern - contemporary art, framing and gallery. Their art, from jewellery to ceramics and textiles, is beauteous. Let's just say there was plenty of restraining that had to be done with constant reminders of airplane luggage limitations. Which has just reminded me of something else that irritates the poop out of me - airplane weight restrictions.

I don't mean to sound fattist, but why are luggage weight allowances not calculated according to total weight, including body mass? Given that I weigh half of a 100kg person, surely I should be entitled to an extra 50kg's of luggage? Or the fat person should be fined for the extra [insert weight here] of mass they're adding to the total weight of the plane. Grr. Did I mention how awesome it was being charged R3500 for being 10kgs overweight from London recently?

Awesome vibe.

Anyhoo, due to my ~~cheeky~~ inquisitive nature the lovely lady at the Kalk Bay Modern gave me a sneak peak into the photograph selection for the upcoming Point of Focus pinhole photography exhibition which opens on October 15th and ends on the 31st. There's something magical about making a camera from household materials and I'm now on a mission to attempt to replicate some of the insanely beautiful photographs I was shown this morning. If you're interested in making one, here's how. If you manage to get it right, hook me up with your work and we'll host a virtual pinhole exhibition. Fun!

Kalk Bay Modern

136 Main Road, Kalk Bay

021 788 6571

www.kalkbaymodern.com

I might just have to arrange some incredibly important meetings in Cape Town at the end of the month.

brandslut xoxo

Cock-a-doodle-do.

2010-10-09T17:16:00.000+01:00

The Rain Man and I are in Cape Town visiting the siblings and The Salty C Dog for the weekend - happy place! It's been too long since I last visited iKapa and last night we decided to get a little bit loose at &Union, followed by a post Weiss beer binge at Gourmet Burger. The head is tender today and I'm having flashbacks of us, a table of 'adults', drawing penis doodles all over the paper tablecloth at GB. Well, the girls were the culprits, the boys looked on in scarlet-faced embarrassment and used everything they could to hide the grotesque members that stared at them from below. Now they know how we feel!

And then BANG. I stumble upon this most awesome Doodle Duvet today, courtesy of Stitch Design Works in Mud Island. The duvet emulates a piece of ruled paper and comes complete with 8 wash-out colour pens, meaning you can doodle to your heart's content and wash 'em out in the morning. Write a story, scribble a note, leave a message, compose a song, doodle a meerkat - perfect for late-night phone calls to your long distance lover!

The 100% cotton 200 thread-count duvet cover will set you back 45 squirrels and is available to order online.

Loves it.

brandslut xoxo

Talking Trash

2010-10-09T07:31:00.000+01:00

DDB Berlin have pushed the boundary for client VW with their new ambient campaign to let Germany know that the new Polo is made from 95% recycled materials. Recycling is big in Germany [and Japan] and DDB decided to use recycling bins, a previously underutilised space, to get their point across. Whilst I feel the execution is eye-catching and [kinda] gets the point across, I also feel the campaign is a dangerous one that renders the product disposable or compares the car to trash. Or is it just me?

Der new Polo, made from 95% recycled materials

"Two Martinis, bitte."

"Dry?"

"Nein, I said TWO!"

brandslut xoxo

C is for Clowns

2010-10-08T07:12:00.001+01:00

Cell C continue to show us their true colours: red, yellow, gold and all things circus. The cellular service provider has been ordered by the ASA to remove its latest campaign featuring the 4Gs symbol which has proved to be misleading and utter bollocks. CEO Lars Reichelt is now back-peddling and claiming that the use of the 4Gs symbol in their campaign has nothing to do with the building of a technically superior network [bullsh*t], but stands for 'For Great Service' and 'For Great Speed'. Click here for more. And if you read here you'll see that Lars has been fully aware of his misleading actions since February.

Cell C CEO, Lars Reichelt

Here for my previous article on Cell C.

brandslut xoxo

Here Comes the Hotstepper

2010-10-07T05:28:00.000+01:00

As a lover of all things French et formidable, I thought this recent print ad from the Bad Boys at Saatchi & Saatchi Düsseldorf was interesting. In fact, I think they’ve played out of their pain-toffels for client Delifrance’s ready-to-bake-at-home range. Simple, effective, sweet.

J'ai faim maintenant.

brandslut xoxo

iBoobs

2010-10-05T15:20:00.001+01:00

Ladies, not sure whether or not you're prepared to drop 30 gorillas on tweaking your twins? Never fear, iAugment App is here! Simply upload a photo of yourself with your weapons of mass distraction out, or in view, should I say, and use the simple tweaker thingie to make 'em bigger or smaller.

The new Apple iRack

Cripes, what next! Wait a minute, I think I might just know the answer to that. Sies.

brandslut xox

The Reel Deal

2010-10-05T08:43:00.002+01:00

I seem to have inherited The Salty C Dog's green fingers which at this stage is proving to be more of a curse than a talent. Clothing shopping has got nothin' on garden shopping. Fact. Jozi's climate is perfect to grow just about anything and you'd be silly not to. The bushy Bad Boys in the tub on the right are Heinz tomatoes and I planted them as seedlings three weeks ago. Holy crap! They pretty much grow like weeds and soon I'll be able to have an entire salad from the garden. Note to self: must buy goat.

I've now managed to add artichokes, basil, mint, parsley, coriander, lettuce, tomatoes, chilli, avocado, nectarines, figs, raspberries, tree-tomatoes, carrots, spinach, green-beans, butternut and edible flowers to my Garden of Death. Yes, Mr. Carrot, you will be murdered at some point, sorry about that.

Claire Reid is my hero and also the hot young South African mastermind behind Reel Gardening:

"Reel Gardening is a simple, cost-effective and convenient means for people to grow vegetables, herbs, and flowers from seed. Reel Gardening is a biodegradable paper strip that encases seeds with fertiliser at the correct distance apart. The strip is planted vertically and indicates the correct depth that it must be buried below the soil. The depth varies according to the variety and is indicated by a colour-coded strip.

Reel Gardening is aimed at a health conscious consumer as well as individuals who do not have the ability to carry out the often complicated tasks encountered when trying to sow seeds. Reel Gardening produces ten vegetables, nine herbs and three flowers"

Bang. How awesome is that?

She invented the Reel Gardening concept at 16 and has since gone on to win a compost heap of awards, including the Stockholm Junior Water Prize. Claire's seed-strips make growing fruit, vegetables and flowers fool-proof and can be purchased here or online. Get your company to get involved in CSI through the Garden in a Box concept which enables and empowers communities to implement their own sustainable food projects throughout South Africa through a user-friendly and educational medium with which Reel Gardening hopes to alleviate food shortages and promote self-sustaining communities.

Now you've got no excuse.

brandslut xoxo

Heita!

2010-10-04T16:38:00.001+01:00

Get used to it. Heita! is the name of Telkom's new consumer mobile business. Personally, I prefer Yowza!, but that's neither here nor there. Industry whispers reveal that the launch of the consumer mobile service is planned for October 14th - heita, thats's soon!

At first I thought the name was rank. And then I learnt that heita is township slang for howzit which has changed the way I feel toward the brand name, but I guess the proof is in the service and execution and let's just hope they don't pull a Cell C and c*ck up their C.I. I also hope this new consumer mobile service provider puts a fire-cracker beneath the bums of the other cellular service providers in South Africa who could do with a little competition. Free local calls? A ridonculous amount of monthly minutes? Decent customer service? Take a leaf from the Yanks and Pomms on this one, Telkom.

Heita!

brandslut xoxo

People of WalMart

2010-10-02T09:07:00.000+01:00

With all this crazy talk of American retail giant WalMart threatening to buy South Africa's MassMart (which runs Game, Dion, Makro and Builder's Warehouse, among other chains) for a whopping R32 billion, I thought I'd share this little gem with y'all. PEOPLE OF WALMART is a website comprising photos, videos and stories from within the beast. If white-trash and rednecks fascinate you, you'll love this.

Mullet Barbie

Especially for the cane & cream-sode drinking okes in Debben

Now, it's a Saturday morning and I'm not in the mood to get all serious (say that in your best Kipp from Napoleon Dynamite accent) and discuss trade unions and why South Africans are up in arms about the potential buy-out, so read the full Mail & Guardian article here.

Class!

brandslut xoxo

I Believe In A Well Hung Parliament

2010-10-01T15:55:00.001+01:00

Search marketing is something that gets me aroused, and apparently UK adult retailer Ann Summers feels the same way. For those of you outside the circle of trust, search marketing promotes websites by increasing visibility in search results. If you’re not interested in search and content strategy you’re a dinosaur in my opinion and also missing a massive marketing and awareness opportunity, especially in Mzansi.

“By using paid search as a brand marketing tool - by bidding on high volume, topical keywords with cheeky and humorous campaigns, Ann Summers generated significant eyeballs online and PR benefits offline. The strategy was not to deliver clicks, but instead to leverage the paid search mechanic to cheekily insert the Ann Summers brand into unusual places.”

British Airways strikes: The planes may be grounded, but you can still join the mile high club!

Budget 2010: There's no recession in pleasure!

Snow 2010: Stay in and stay warm with our steamy sex toys!

and my personal favs’...

Election 2010: Visit Ann Summers & find out why we believe in a well hung parliament and We specialise in long, hard elections!

Helen Zille believes in a well hung parliament

The campaigns generated a cuck-load of impressions, not just from the ads themselves, but also from PR around the naughty little campaign. The ads generated over 1.5 million impressions for a spend of less than £4500 (about R50 000) - a CPM of 0.003p (about 3.3c).

Now that you're in the mood, here's an old favourite to kick off the weekend with a bang.

Grr, happy Friday y'all.

brandslut xoxo

Unless You Want To Look Like A 70's P*rn Star

2010-09-30T15:49:00.000+01:00

Get your paws on this awesome little Safeway 'poodle' trimmer I stumbled upon in Clicks yesterday. It's impossible to have a perfectly manicured ness (short for selfness) at all times and this is the perfect solution to take the edge off. Comes in a range of cute girly designs and complete with AAA battery and facial hair trimmer for R99. Score! The Wild Woman of Borneo is going to love this!


Keeping your ness, nice.

Before

Yours in all things kempt,

brandslut xoxo

I Heart My New Headers

2010-09-29T19:19:00.000+01:00

The Source of Visual Inspiration has yet again played out of his creative boots with these cheeky little Brandslut blog-headers. It's been impossible to choose between 'em and I think the only solution is rotation. Sigh, the decisions I have to make on a daily basis. Which is your fav?

Check out more of his genius here.

brandslut xoxo

Famous Brands Now Owns Vovo Telo's Ass

2010-09-29T17:23:00.004+01:00

Famous Brands now owns 51% of Vovo Telo's ass. The brand will fall under FB's Theatre of Foods division which accommodates privately owned non-mainstream food-service businesses, acquired through JV. This would normally make me nervous, but given the way FB have managed the roll-out of Tasha's, another favourite of mine, I'm fine with the acquisition. I'm thrilled, in fact, because this means Cape Town will soon be graced with the presence that is Vovo Telo.

"Famous Brands CEO, Kevin Hedderwick, is confident that the Vovo Telo brand network can be expanded to 50 franchised bakery/restaurants within five years."

Yowza, that's fighting talk, Kev!

The Port Elizabeth born artisan bakery brand, founded by Matthew Repton and his partners Dave & Marisa Evans, currently boasts 3 stores nationally - 2 in The Friendly City and 1 in Jozi. Matthew and his 2 musketeers will be retained to run the brand and develop it further while having full access to Famous Brands' business model. If you've never been, get your gluts to 44 Stanley, Richmond Hill or Newton Park in the shake of a lamb's tail. I recommend their Reuben, entire breakfast menu and killer cups-of-ccino. Website here, could do with an online menu to whet the appetite.

A Vovo Telo baker throwing out a massive vibe.

Yours in love of freshly baked bread,

brandslut xoxo

How Do You Like Them Apples?

2010-09-27T17:50:00.000+01:00

I have burgers franchises on the brain this week it seems, man I miss Royale! Jozi is starved for a gourmet burger joint. This isn't new, but I wish we'd see more of this in South Africa, given that 56% of women and 29% of men in Mzansi are classified as obese. Apparently urban black women need to spend the most time on the treadmill, followed by women of mixed ancestory, then whites and lastly Indians.

Fresh Apple 'fries'. I see what they did there.

Burger King in the US offer Fresh Apple Fries, served neatly in a French-fry box. How cute is that?! I think local fast food retailers could follow suit and offer more than just awful Greek 'salads' made with iceberg lettuce. The bloat, people! The bloat. I also love how overseas websites like this offer uber concise nutritional information on every product they serve.

If you must, do fries the French way.

brandslut xoxo

McMulti-Billion Dollar Refurbishment

2010-09-26T19:15:00.003+01:00

Sies

Whilst lounging pool-side with The Restaurateur (did you know restaurateur does not contain an 'n'?) and The Hot Scientist yesterday at Fairlawns Boutique Hotel and Spa, sippin' on a strawberry daiq and generally perusing the interweb, I stumbled upon an interesting McNugget of information detailing the McDonald's 2011 global refurbishment and expansion plan.

The world’s largest chain of hamburger fast food restaurants is looking to revamp their menus, store design and ordering experience. With a juicy budget of $2.4 billion, in 2011 McDonald's is set to rebuild 400, refurbish 1,600 and create an additional ton. Yowza.

"With over 31,000 restaurants worldwide located in over 100 countries, the big challenge for McDonald's is to curate each restaurant to account for different cultural dining practices. To do this McDonald's VP of concept and design Denis Weil has created a team of corporate design leaders to research and get a feel for local design trends which will make each restaurant unique to its area. Juicy Design’s Tom Williams has been working with the restaurant giant since 2003, redeveloping restaurants in Australia and now across Asia and the US. He states the design brief was simply to “make things unique.”

This is the first complete make-over since the 70's and there are a few interesting changes happening. Along with every oke and his dog, Ray will be relocating his coffee machines in McCafé units to sit flush with the tills to 'enhance the barista experience'. Yawn. Oats served at breakfast will be hand-stirred (ground-breaking) at least 12 times to emulate the home-made experience and drive-through spaces will be redesigned to cope with bigger orders and more traffic in order to minimise waiting times.

$2.4 billion equates to R16,843,680,154.58. That's also what it would cost to educate 120,000,000 African children for a year. I'm just saying.

brandslut xoxo

Stop, Drop & Doss

2010-09-23T15:45:00.002+01:00

Okay, so the wind schooled The Supermodel and I a few years back at Rocking The Daisies and I would HATE for the same thing to happen to you in a couple of weeks at RTD 2010 in Darling, my poppet. Here's how you solve the little pain-in-the-ass-tent-erection problem:

OMFG

To order one of these Bad Boys in any size or colour, log onto Rodrigo Alonso's website and get your paws on a Selk 'Bag.

Jou ma se Cape Union Mart,

brandslut xoxo

Green Wedding Shoes

2010-09-22T20:20:00.004+01:00

With The Supermodel and The Investment Banker recently engaged, along with what seems like everyone else around me (epidemic), I thought this post particularly apt. The Source of Visual Inspiration let this little meerkat out of his bag and I just HAVE to share it with you. Green Wedding Shoes is a blog by a gal called Jen Campbell who's head over heels in love with all things weddings. It's Jen's outlet to express her love for love, vintage, design, photography and holy matrimony. These are some of my favs...

Over-sized vintage paper windmills

Ink and lace


Camp wedding

Save-the-date on crack

Gold sparkly 'I Do' Toms

Carnival themed engagement

Piano in the desert engagement photographs

Vintage Louboutin lovin'

Personalised groomsmen's floral ties

Desert engagement photographs

Quirky bride & bridesmaids


Makin' hay

Chocolate chip bags of love

Yours in all things vintage and lovely,

brandslut xoxo

Brand South Africa

2010-09-19T17:36:00.001+01:00

The view from my bean-bag at Chaf-Pozi

Another cracker weekend lies in my dust and I can almost taste summer. I love how spirits and hem-lines lift as the silly-season approaches. Tomorrow would be a good day to dust off my Adidas MiCoach training regime (here) and get this bushman into shape for Cape Town - t minus three months. Sh*t balls.

I'm sitting on the lawn outside, taking in the sounds and smells of spring and reflecting on an ayoba weekend in a beautiful, eclectic and crazy country. A friend of mine is the patriotic genius behind I Luv SA and the I Luv JHB events which take place at The Codfather in Rivonia on the first Saturday of every month. (website here). What's the occasion? An opportunity for like minded patriots and Jozi lovers to congregate, celebrate and enjoy great local food and music.

Added recently to the I Luv repertoire is ILOVESOWETO which the crew embraced in all its glory at Chaf-Pozi yesterday. Chaf-Pozi (website here) is an upmarket shebeen nestled between the iconic FNB Towers which have now been revamped and transformed into a bungy and bridge-swing platform, with the shebeen below providing the perfect viewing flatform in the form of bean-bags, couches and benches. My outfit wasn't entirely appropriate for bungy jumping, but The Social Strategist did us all proud. As did the bachelor who was forced to leap naked, keeping the ladies agasp as he and his toti dangled upside-down.

Content with our entertainment and lunch of pap, chak and beef stew, many beers and Vawters down, we couldn't help but remark on the tangible transformation unfolding before us. Here we are, a completely eclectic group of people congregating in Soweto to enjoy shebeen-cuisine and the beats of Ben Kay, The Stella's and MO and the Dark Knights. I've been to Soweto four times in as many months and I plan to make ILOVESOWETO a regular fixture on my social calendar. The third Saturday of every month people. Just say yes.

I hope more South African cities embrace the concept of I Luv SA and that I'll soon have the opportunity to experience I Luv DBN, ILOVEBLOEM and IHEARTCT. Sponsorship opportunity, anyone?

Yours in admiration of this awesome country in which we live,

brandslut xoxo

Lambshank Redemption?

2010-09-16T16:31:00.002+01:00

Fresh from the bag

I can't seem to escape the term sous-vide at the moment and I have to admit, I'm a little disturbed. Sous-vide means 'under vacuum' and this term is used to define a cooking method that extends the shelf-life of food by cooking it for a long period of time (sometimes longer than 24 hours), under-water in vacuum sealed bags at low temperatures, usually around 60 degrees celcius. It's the removal of oxygen and bacteria from the process which allows for the extended shelf-life. BUT. Contamination can indeed occur in the form of botulinum toxin poisoning. Yikes. Okay, so it's not fool-proof.

I had a meeting recently with a company who are pioneering sous-vide in South Africa and I couldn't quite wrap my head around it all. I mean sure, scientifically speaking it makes sense, but I don't know if I'll ever be comforatble with buying meat and other food with ridonculously long shelf-lives. You'll be amazed at how many big South African restaurant brands serve sous-vide food, including items like curry and lambshank. Yes, there's a restaurant you've been to that serves sous-vide lambshank. I'm not sure if I'm freaked out more by the shelf-life of the product I'm consuming, or the inability of restaurants to produce these items themselves. Apparently Heston Blumenthal himself is a sucker for sous-vide. Well I'll be...

Okay, now this is the meaty part. Currently South African sous-vide food producers manufacture a product that must be chilled and has a 6 month shelf life. Technology is about to be launched enabling storage at ambient temperature for a year. Yes, that means your whole roast chicken can kick back in the pantry alongside your couscous and curry-powder for 12 months before it starts to botox itself.

How do you feel about being served meat at a restaurant that's been sitting on an ambient shelf for 9 months? Or am I the only dinosaur who feels this is weird? I'd love to know. Oh, and check out these awesome anti-theft lunch bags I found amidst my research (here), perfect to dissuade klepto-colleagues.

brandslut xoxo

Limber

2010-09-15T17:56:00.001+01:00

Keeping it limber

Did you also wake up on Monday morning feeling like you needed a bottle of Myprodol and a weekend? Christmas. Okay, so maybe it had something to do with the Champion's League 20/20 cricket on Friday night. Or the virgin excursion to The Sterkfontein Caves at The Cradle of Humankind, or Human-man-kind as The Consultant so eloquently put it, followed by a braai on crack at ours on Saturday. Firstly, I'd like to recommend The Cradle and caves, do yourself a favour. Secondly, let me introduce you to the little game The Doctor whipped out of his bag-o-tricks. The best part? You won't need to, or be able to, exercise for a week thereafter.

1. Grab an empty cereal box

2. Assemble your crew and explain the rules: feet have to remain firmly on the ground, no leverage, no hands, grab the box with your teeth and then stand up straight again without dropping the box - each person gets 3 attempts per round

3. When the whole team has had a turn, you tear off a 2-3cm strip from the top of the box and start again

4. If a member of the team can't do it after 3 attempts, he/she is out and must drink

5. The game continues until there's a flat piece of card on the ground and the winner is the human pretzel that can pick it up

... it's kinda like the reverse limbo and you'll be amazed at your flexibility and inner-thigh strength. I miraculously bent and balanced myself to the last round but was trumped by The Doctor and The Social Strategist who are both worryingly flexible.

Sunday was spent drinking frozen margaritas at 44 Stanley's Spring Fair with The Consultant. Enough said. Note to self: must buy frozen margarita machine for summer.

The first half of this week has been a biggie too! The Nolan's Cheddar commercial goes viral (view here), David Thorne does it again (here) Lady Gaga pisses off PETA by wearing meat couture at this year's VMA awards, brandslut readers are now able to comment and The Supermodel and The Investment Banker got engaged in Siena, Italy on Monday. Lots and lots of tears, and feeling a little emotional about the engagement too.

Keep it limber,

brandslut xoxo

Dirty

2010-09-10T14:09:00.001+01:00

"In spring, at the end of the day, one should smell like dirt" - Margaret Atwood

Upon reading my I Heart Anatomically Correct Design post (here), the lovely people at Anatomy Design sent me a thank you and informed me of Flower Power, 44 Stanley's spring celebration taking place this Sunday September 12th. Great food, live music, spring collections, it's all happening in Braamfontein! So throw on your glad rags and lets get dirrrrrrty.

Grrrrr,

Brandslut xoxo

Holy Bowly

2010-09-09T21:30:00.001+01:00

My new bowls, kicking it on the lawn

Cripes. I'm turning into The Salty C Dog more every day. I left the office today and made a bee line for the local nursery, my new favourite place where the only bother is thorns, bees and the odd rogue sprinkler. My lettuce has all gone to seed (tip, break off the head when the lettuce starts to look a little alien and it'll continue to grow as intended) and I needed to replenish all things home-grown for the summer. My obsession for cultivation begun after watching Food Inc. (click here to watch the trailer) and I decided it was time to vote with my own wallet. I can't remember when last I bought anything green from a supermarket and my salad and rocket leaves last for weeks in the fridge. It just shows how long the produce we buy has been 'in transit' before we consume it - days, sometimes years.

So today I left the nursery a little lighter than usual, tomatoes, eish lettuce (yes, it's actually called eish lettuce), chillies and a range of gorgeous pink flower seeds in tow, ready to tackle summer salads n' barbeques, baby. You know you're turning into your mother when you replace the Haute Cabriere Chardonnay Pinot Noir with secateurs. You also know you're turning into your mother when you start to adopt her hobbies, like pottery, the new love of my life. I needed to flex my creative muscle and embrace my inner Demi Moore and started weekly pottery classes with Anne Rimbault (website here) in Bordeaux. The little bowls pictured above are fresh from the kiln and were my first [dismal] attempt at the wheel. Anyhoo, I think they're kinda cute, and I'm looking forward to graduating to bigger things, like cereal bowls.

All I can say is that if you're feeling like something's missing, grow something, or make something, you'll be amazed at how satisfying it is.

Back to basics,

brandslut xoxo

This Is How I Blog

2010-09-07T17:14:00.003+01:00


Hobbes, trying to find the mouse

How nunu is that?! Bless his little ginger cotton socks. Anyhoo, enough about me and continuing this week's unplanned theme of blogging, a dear friend has been awarded a prestigious nomination in the SA Blog Awards 2010 food writing category and it's time to cast your vote for the talented Jamie Who. All you need to do is click here and your vote has been cast, no fannying around with filling in details and deciphering codes to prove you're indeed a human. Once you've kindly cast your vote, check out Jamie Who here.

Heroes in a half-shell,

brandslut xoxo

Domestic Sluttery

2010-09-06T16:58:00.000+01:00

Tea Rex

I can always count on The Luxury Meerkat to keep me abreast of all things Londontastic, and this week she’s played out of her polka dot Cath Kidston oven-mitts. Domestic Sluttery is a home and lifestyle blog for women who have better things to do, written by a collective of fabulous British women who cook, decorate and design… usually with a glass of wine in hand. We’re a match made in blogging heaven and I am absolutely loving their vibe. Who wouldn’t love a backpack made to look like the Ghostbusters Proton Pack, or pink ruffled bedding from Urban Outfitters? Click here to link to Domestic Sluttery.

Here’s some of the design p*rn I heart (click to link):

Tomorrow something wonderful will happen
Geekinesis cupcake wrapper
Yellow submarine tea infuser
Laptop disguise

I also stumbled upon this gorgeous little macaron ring, perfect for the lovely Cape Town Girl. Click here for CTG’s blog, nominated last week in the South African Blog Awards’ top ten most entertaining blogs category. Don’t forget to cast your vote!

Yours in domestic bliss,

brandslut xoxo

From Tasha with Love

2010-09-02T20:52:00.001+01:00

Dr. Paw Paw

It’s funny how life works. I fell into coffee a number of years ago living in Cape Town. No, I didn’t trip over someone’s pooch outside Vida Camps Bay and dive nose-first into some prawn’s macchiato, I mean the industry. Coffee locally morphed into coffee internationally which led to food retail, food service, restaurants, consulting and here I am, in 2010, a fully-fledged food marketeer (amongst other things). Never in a million years…

The reason I’m sharing my micro curriculum vitae with you is so that you understand my insane passion for food and all things related. I photograph almost everything I eat, reading a menu is forever ruined and I’ve become one of those annoying people who always feed back. Feedback, that is. No, I won’t give you back your koeksuster.

One of Jozi’s gems is Tasha’s. It’s been around for a while and boasts 5 stores, the most recent being within the Brooklyn Design Quarter which I visited on opening day. Understanding the restaurant trade and the craziness that surrounds a new store launch, I was blown away by how composed the staff and management seemed to be. I even had a chance to meet Tasha as she Tazmanian Devilled herself around the joint, ensuring all was slick and all customers were happy.

The point I want to make is one of quality and consistency. I have never had a disappointing meal at Tasha’s and I’m fine with paying above-average prices because I know that I’ll always get great service and a fabulous meal that looks droolicious on my plate, is beyond filling and is made from premium ingredients. This weekend I tried Dr. Paw Paw for breakie – a whole paw-paw, halved and topped with Greek yoghurt, toasted almonds and honey, for R46. OMFG, as my dear friend Gold would say. I’m a creature of habit and fear I may never manage to order anything else for breakfast again. Their Turkish flat-breads and Turkish delight cocktails are total crowd-pleasers too. Tasha’s also offer a specials menu with home-grown treats like braai broodjie, gourmet wors roll & fries, cranberry bobotie and pampoenkoekies. OMFG.

On the topic of consistency, their website completely embodies the essence, tone and love that is Tasha’s and you ‘get it’ immediately. Click here to visit the Tasha’s website, one of the nicest and most effective sites I’ve seen in ages, along with Nando’s which you can view by clicking here. Check out their franchise page, mountain dwellers, because Cape Town needs a Tasha’s immediately.

Let’s hope that Tasha’s recent acquisition by Famous Brands doesn’t mean compromise on any of the good things we’ve come to know, love and expect. And I hope to see Tasha at every new opening.

I’m hungry now.

brandslut xoxo

Do Gooders

2010-09-01T20:32:00.002+01:00

Humankind's customisable speech-bubble business cards

I met Jessica Simpson for lunch today at the Woolies Café in Hyde Park for our regular: harvest table, The Best cappuccino and a glass of strawberry water. Yum-o! No, I don’t actually say ‘yum-o’, The Rain Man does and I think it’s hysterical, on par with ‘yikes’ which I’ve somehow adopted recently. Yikes! Anyhoo, between solving the world’s problems and making cappuccino froth moustaches, Jessica Simpson whipped out her new sassy little business card. The advertising agency JS works for subscribes to all things good, carbon neutral, socially aware and sustainable and have recently rebranded as Humankind. The business has carried the good thread through to its corporate stationery which uses a ‘one size fits all’ approach, allowing staff to stamp their individual details onto the generic business card in order to customise.

Not only is the card creative, quirky and memorable, but it reduces cost from an economies of scale approach and reduces wastage, ultimately saving the planet. Next time your company needs business cards, use recycled paper, vegetable ink and customisable solutions.

To find out more about FSC approval, click here to visit the website of the Forest Stewardship Council, or e-mail the South African representative John Scotcher on jscotcher@forestlore.co.za to find out how your business can become recognised.

Because together we really can make a difference.

Yours in all things green,

brandslut xoxo

Vinylicious

2010-08-31T21:22:00.004+01:00

My www.dewaalart.com headboard

The Salty C Dog (a.k.a The Mommy) stumbled upon this little gem, and I have to admit she's played out of her boots. Lecia De Waal is the mastermind behind www.dewaalart.com and the magic happens from her studio in Hout Bay. Lecia's bag of tricks includes

wall art
art workshops
fine art commissions
styling
design and drawing work

Her work is all gorgeous, but in my opinion it's her vinyl range that's killer! Chandeliers and lighting, cats, tree silhouettes, bookshelves, picture frames, it's all there, in any colour you want. I'd been looking for a headboard for an age and couldn't find anything between the naff and the over-priced. And then I found these bad boys - a range of beautifully ornate vinyl headboards. Her website is decor p*rn for me and I pity the struggle that lies ahead in trying to stop yourself from covering your house in these easy-to-apply conversation pieces. I must confess, one couldn't quell my desire and I now have the birdcage hanging in the entrance hall too. At just R250, I might add. Her vinyl range is incredibly well priced, as is her shipping at just R140 to anywhere in SA.

Click here to play!

Yours in support of South African design,

brandslut xoxo

C is for Con.

2010-08-30T17:14:00.002+01:00

Cell C's impression of the South African public

I actually feel a little bit sick when I think of the R160 million Cell C has recently managed to waste on South Africa’s Most Unsuccessful Rebrand. I can’t help but feel that Cell C, its agency and board think I’m stupid. There’s no other explanation for this incredibly embarrassing debacle that’s unraveling.

So there’s hype and excitement as Trevor Noah’s face is splashed across billboards nationwide, introducing the company’s new CEO (Customer Experience Officer). I see what they did there. We’re all praising Cell C for its realisation of the need for change and the importance of putting the customer at the heart of it all. And then the confusion sets in. The iconic red, white and dots are replaced by a black copyright symbol with a funny strip of rainbow beneath it. Huh? Surely someone, somewhere along this R160 million rebrand process would have looked into trademark infringement, especially where the iconic copyright symbol (©) is concerned. Rocket science, anyone?

And then the confusion turns into anger and disbelief as light is shed on the con that is Trevor Noah and his relationship with the cellular service provider. You see, we’re led to believe that Trevor had used his comedic platform to slate Cell C for its cuck customer service. Cell C is made aware of Trevor’s rant via social media platforms YouTube and Facebook and the cellular service provider decides to deal with the criticism head-on, admitting to its faults and endeavoring change. And we all think, “Wow, isn’t it great that this company is realising the value of social media and is using it to facilitate change through putting the customer first!” Click here to to see Trevor's gig.

And then a little homework is done and it is revealed that www.telltrevor.co.za was registered in June, weeks before Trevor Noah’s not-so-impromptu stand-up gig which we’re led to believe was the catalyst for Cell C’s change campaign.

Sis, Cell C.

So you see, this is all one big bullsh*t PR exercise and slap in the face of the South African public and what grates me the most is Cell C’s new promise of transparency, which is exactly how they’re not handling this expensive brand disaster. So I guess Cell C isn’t really putting the customer at the heart of it all, after all.

brandslut xoxo

Service Ace

2010-08-22T19:16:00.002+01:00

Sex on the beach

I've just returned from a ridonculously sloth-like 5 nights in Mauritius. You see, I've had two winters in a row (the sacrifice made to experience the World Cup) and The Rain Man decided to treat me to a paradisiacal birthday at hotel Paradis in Le Morne. Whilst attempting to brown my bum and taking a breather from A Durable Fire (do yourself a favour and get your paws on the sequel, starting with Blood Sisters, written by Barbara and Stephanie Keating), I lay racking my brain in pursuit of a suitable blog for my return. The answer was clear: service. Okay, maybe service with Phoenix beer following closely behind.

So, Mauritius isn't cheap anymore and spending R50 on a beer makes the swallowing a little harder. But. And it's a big one. The service is absolutely phenomenal, flawless. Mauritian hotel staff do everything with a smile and no request is too much trouble. Paracetemol at 6AM? Pas de problem. Customising the set-menu? Pas de problem. Swimming with Spinner dolphins? Pas de problem. And the list goes on. Chatty, helpful, happy staff - a nice change from the norm back home. Yawn. And I say norm because on average I feel South African service leaves a lot to be desired. In total we probably encountered around 60 staff and service providers in 6 days, ranging from beach vendors to chauffeurs, and not one did disappoint. In the end spending R100 on your bottom of the range cocktail doesn't feel like assault because the love that goes into making it and serving it is tangible.

You know, sh*t aint cheap anymore and companies in South Africa need to realise that fabulous service is paramount. It's a non-negotiable, or at least it should be. Great customer service takes the edge off and encourages positive word of mouth. Investment in training in this arena deserves a little more budget and I hope that we'll one day give those smiley happy Hindu Mauritians a run for their Rupees. With an additional 130 000 to 290 000 tourists expected annually from 2011 on account of the World Cup effect, let's take a leaf from our tourism-oriented neighbours.

Yours with a bum a few shades browner,

brandslut xoxo

I Anatomically Correct Heart Design

2010-08-14T16:31:00.006+01:00

I heart this

I'm a sucker for anything quirky and couldn't resist this little bad boy from Tiaan Nagel @ 44 Stanley. Designer Geraldine Fenn of Anatomy Design loves a good bone and all things anatomically correct. Who can resist a necklace packaged in a real live medical Vacutainer? Not me. Swoon.

Click here to check out Anatomy's bag of tricks.

Wear your heart around your neck,

brandslut xoxo

In Good We Trust

2010-08-12T09:33:00.000+01:00

Nedbank Capital - do gooders

I guess you can assume a campaign is working when exposure to a brand influences your dreams. I dreamt the other night that I was at war with a friend over the benefits of Nedbank versus ABSA. Huh? I know, maybe I need to get out more, or drink more, or something. Anyhoo, Jozi dwellers will have noticed Nedbank Capital's new Greening The CBD solar-powered robots around Sandton and the surrounds. This solar-powered billboard punting Nedbank's extra green status caught my eye [and nearly caused an accident] and reminded me of an article I read recently written by Gary Harwood of HKLM fame. Make The Message Mean Something is about building bus shelters instead of billboards, about marketers taking responsibility for ensuring the power and influence brands possess is applied across society and the community in a positive way.

"Yes, it's about social upliftment and community involvement, but it's also about building a social conscience into the DNA of a brand so that everything that the brand does is informed by this conscience. It's not an add-on, but rather an add-in. In the end, those brands with a humanitarian heart will be the most sustainably successful brands in Africa. The evidence is around us."

I love this mantra and hope that brand managers and marketeers the world over realise the value in brand karma and keeping goodness at the core.

I must confess that although my initial response to Nedbank Capital's campaign was a positive one, I then immediately wondered "are these things really powering the robots they promise to?".You'll be pleased to know that all is green, good, and in fact pretty damn impressive - read Nedbank Capital's official press release here.

Yours in all things good,

brandslut xoxo

The Little Things

2010-08-11T15:52:00.003+01:00

Gautrain - doing things properly

I had my first virgin Gautrain experience a few weeks ago en route to see The Mommy and was generally blown away. Please mind the puns, I couldn't help myself. You see, I'm a stickler for design and detail and was impressed to see that no detail had been spared, not even on the carpets. As you can see by my image, tiny little embroidered Gautrains tile the length of the gangway carpets. Most people probably haven't noticed this. Brand people might. But I certainly did. Not only are the carpets branded, clean and generally awesome, but the service was great and the reduced time to the airport even better. Sure, there are kinks in the system as the train was launched prematurely to accommodate the FIFA Football World Cup, but I think all involved have done a cracking job thus far. It's going to be interesting to see how the imminent toll-road implementation by SANRAL is going to affect the Gautrain and public transport use in Gauteng in general. In-ter-rest-ing.

A little attention to detail goes a long way and I hope to see more South African brands realising the value in the little things. Let's hope the anti chewing-gum laws on-board remain firm and that we manage to keep this beautiful train and service clean and enjoyable for all.

Yours in the detail,

brandslut xoxo

Silly Willoughby

2010-08-11T11:10:00.002+01:00

W&C - putting salt on the wound

Maybe I'm a snob, but I have a problem with this. I recently popped into Willoughby & Co. in Hyde Park Shopping Centre, Johannesburg for a couple o' salmon hand-rolls and a warming bowl of Miso soup - my favourites. You can image my surprise when in return for being asked to drop 42 clams on a hand-roll, I was expected to use Cerebos table salt, straight from the original plastic packaging, nogal. Now, being handed a small Cerebos cellar upon request would have been bad enough, but this South African family staple actually comprised the table setting.

Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I think Willoughby & Co. could have a little more tact than this, especially considering their sushi prices err on the expensive side. Surely sea or rock salt in a grinder would be a nicer touch. And hell, if you're trying to improve your cost of sale by resorting to the cheapest table salt possible, at least have the foresight to decant your Cerebos into something a little nicer. Why not go a step further and commission a group of disadvantaged potters to produce a range of fish shaped salt pots?

Naughty Willoughby.

brandslut xoxo

Woolies' Black Gold

2010-08-11T10:32:00.002+01:00

The Woolies cappuccino - it's not shit

It's only fitting that my first post is about coffee, the black gold that pulses through the veins of cities and addicts the world over. Having worked for Starbucks UK, Vida e Caffe and alongside the ex Marketing Director of Costa Coffee UK, I guess you could say I'm passionate about the stuff. As a purveyor of all things brand, I notice things, challenge promises and appreciate beautiful design.

A brand that seldom disappoints is good ol' Woolies and you can imagine my meerkat like response when I recently noticed their Woolworths Cuppuccino "The Best" campaign. Sjoe. Huge shout, Susman. I'll decide that for myself, thank you. Now, whilst I certainly have allegiances to brands due to memories forged and experiences had, I welcome a lil' healthy competition with open arms. It's competition that drives COO's and Marketing Directors to reevaluate service levels and product quality. It's this duelling that ultimately leads to some fun inter-brand banter and hopefully a happier customer behind the bill. Woolies, I gotta give you credit. Your Woolworths Cafe baristas have been excellently trained and your cappuccino is bloody marvellous (perfect espresso to milk ratio, orgasmic foam). I've had about 10 now (no, not in this sitting) and I think it's safe to say you've done your homework. An opportunity was identified, a demand realised, a product and marketing campaign implemented and you've made at least one customer smile.

I think coffee brands like Mugg & Bean and Seattle Coffee Co. could take a leaf. I've had average experiences at both recently and in this market who wants to be remembered as average? I mean, coffee is your bag guys, please serve me a decent espresso.

Yours in all things caffeine based,

brandslut xoxo